Rocki Harris on Interracial Relationships & Sex – Smart Sex Smart Love

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Why is the black penis more imagined than seen on screen? And, how do we dispel the stigmas about black versus white penis size? These are some of the subjects this week’s podcast delves into. Joe’s guest is Detroiter, Raquelle ‘Rocki‘ Harris – host and producer of Rocki’s Reality Podcast on Motor City Woman Radio. Together they chat all things sex and interracial relationships. “I want to remove the taboo of talking openly about race and sex,” says Rocki.

Connect with Raquelle ‘Rocki ‘ Harris :
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Speaker 3:        Welcome to smart sex smart love. We’re talking about sex goes beyond the taboos and talking about love goes beyond the honeymoon. I’m dr Joe court. Thanks for tuning in.

Speaker 4:        [inaudible]

Speaker 3:        hello. Today we’re talking about interracial relationships and sex. My guest this week wants to help remove the taboo of talking openly about race and sex. Raquel Rocky Harris is a Detroit content cure curator who educates and entertains. She’s an experienced writer, editor, and media correspondent using her influence to affect change. She hosts and produces Rockies reality podcasts on motor city women radio. Her platform explores essential topics in culture, entertainment, and relationships. Unafraid to ask what others are thinking. She’s comfortable with unfiltered and unapologetic perspectives. Rocky’s affiliations include the aspiring writers association of America and the Detroit chapter of the national association for black journalists. Rocky joins me this week to discuss interracial relationships and sex. Welcome, Rocky. Thank you. Thank you. I think I love about you. So even before I met you was that your unfiltered and unapologetic. And I am too and I love it, but does it ever get your spirits? But it gets me in trouble sometimes. Does it get you,

Speaker 1:        Oh, I am the queen of things going left all day. Um, but um, I don’t know. Being transparent, it has been one of my best weapons. It’s a success or best secrets to success I should say. Um, cause I spend enough time being reserved and responsible. I mean, as adults we spend enough time doing that. So when I can I let loose.

Speaker 3:        I love it. Well, I’m so glad. I hope you do it here. Yes, absolutely. All right, so I’m going to just start with some questions. Um, uh, can you talk to us about how cultural differences and similarities affect sex and [inaudible]?

Speaker 1:        Let’s see. Ooh, well, okay. So I did a show on interracial relationships about a month or so ago. And the one main thing that I learned from that is that no matter how different we look on the outside, a lot of us want the same things on the inside. A lot of us want to be cuddled and held. And um, as a black woman who’s never dated outside of my race, I’ve, I find other races attractive. Um, and of course I’m married now, but I just found that that physical chemistry or that not physical, but that soul connection you have, I’m one of those people, I believe in energies. So it doesn’t really matter what race you are because what makes you feel good, makes you feel good. And I’ve learned like from friends that, um, cause you know there’s a stereotype about white men and small penises. I’ve learned that that’s not true.

Speaker 1:        That I’m actually my one girlfriend, she says that her boyfriend who white is the best guy she’s had sexually and she’s been with several black men. So it’s just been a learning experience for me to remove my biases about it. And I think that’s one thing that holds us back our biases and what we think things should be versus what they actually are. In reality. You just threw me off for a minute. Wait a minute. So you’ve heard about white man was white men with small penises. But I’ve always heard about black men with big penises and it’s not true, right? Some of them have small penises. I’m here to say something. Black men have small penises. So why do we think black men have big P? What is that? I think historically just something, um, from, I mean, and we know as far as slavery and just the fabric of America, um, just period, not even just with black people.

Speaker 1:        There are certain stereotypes and beliefs that are put into our head about people because we like to put people in boxes and it makes us feel comfortable to put them in certain categories. So I think it’s just something that from slavery, um, as well as the book, when they used to sell the book, how used to be strong and he had to be virile and, um, the black woman was looked at as a Jessa bale and over-sexualized. I think those are just things that have generationally been carried on. And I think somewhere along the way, someone threw in or, or put in the white man having a small penis as kind of a counteractive to that. So, um, again, I just think it’s, again, a lot of times we get visions in our head that are just totally not true. We make stuff up and if we look at a lot of wives sales and the origin of a lot of things, they don’t even have any basis or truth to them.

Speaker 1:        And even porn contributes to that, you know? Yes. Does, right. It makes us think. Um, and that’s another thing, um, with porn, just in general, you think that your sex life is supposed to go to be awesome, like the porn toward the movie, not knowing that they take a break, that they take enhancing drugs and things like that. Um, and it’s just unrealistic to think that porn is a represented representation of real sex. Even though I love, um, I don’t mind pouring good porn. I mean, it has gotten me in the mood. I’m not even gonna lie. It was a period where my husband and I will watch it all the time and then we just got to, um, and now he’s like, he watches his alone and like I do too. So, but it doesn’t, it, my thing is with, with, um, everything in moderation.

Speaker 1:        So, and definitely I do believe porn does feed into and just everything is sexualized. Even a damn car commercial is sexualized now everything is. So we get these visions in our head of what things are. So, um, can you talk about, I always want to hear it. Have people understand white people say, um, kinky black people say I’m freaky. Is that true? You know, I think it’s a I and I think that’s a cultural thing. Okay. I’m just like with any culture, culture means the way you talk, the way you dress, what you eat, what music you listen to. So I think it’s um, a difference in just semantics and like dialect sometimes. Cause I’ve said kinky, depending on the situation. I’ve said freaky. So to me they’re interchangeable. Um, but again, I think we get so caught up and looking at our differences that we look that we really are the same in a lot of ways.

Speaker 1:        Some of us, I mean not all of us, but it’s like, it’s certain groups who like, but play it certain groups who like go in the showers. There’s certain groups who squirt it, certain groups who like giving fellatio and that’s, that’s again, that’s another stereotype that black women don’t like to get fellatio or, or like white women like to get fellatio. That’s one of the things like, especially in high school and things, so, uh, or that black man don’t eat, uh, do kind of lingers. I, you know, those are all stereotypes. There are people out there who enjoy to do them and there are people who don’t enjoy to do them. Do you think the stereotypes, I always feel like even as a Jew or as a gay man, I am, that stereotypes are based on some truth in the culture. Some, but it’s an exaggerated at times and then it becomes where you think that that’s automatically that whole group.

Speaker 1:        And that’s the problem with stereotypes. Yes. Because even black people, we make fun of. And Jews, you might make fun of your own culture because you know, these are things about your culture that are kind of ridiculous or just, you know, depending on the setting you’re in, you feel like you have to justify it. Um, but we, um, I’m sorry, I lost my train of thought. You were asking me, um, about stereotypes placed on some, you know, some of them are, I mean, a lot of black people do like chicken, but some black women, all white like watermelon and chicken and, or hot sauce. So, um, again, I, I think, um, stereotypes make us feel comfortable too because we like to categorize and label and when we can, and that xenophobia comes in the fear of the unknown. If we don’t know something, we have to put something on it to make it make sense to us.

Speaker 1:        So it makes us feel comfortable. It does exaggerate those things and to say, Oh, well now the stereotype stereotype has become the truth. It’s not always the truth in certain situations. Can I ask you, what are some of the trends you notice you’re noticing around interracial relationships and sex? Uh, I notice a lot more black women with men now with white men. You meet with white men. Thank you. Um, and as far as sex, um, I’m noticing that people with social media are more open with sharing parts of their sex life. Not like having sex on social media, but I’ve seen a lot of new pictures, um, a lot of, um, you know, there’ll be, you know, innuendos online that people are showing. Um, and I think it’s just a lot more freedom just like with the LGBT Q community. I think it’s more, um, I’m of a movement now and I’m seeing it more in, um, like the Cheerios commercial I saw, I’m seeing interracial girls.

Speaker 1:        You’re seeing more of that in mainstream media. Yes. Finally. Right, right. It’s still, you know, those underlying talls there is still only gonna go so far, but there I, I’m seeing it a lot more. Um, it’s not as taboo. Right. I would say stigmatize really horrible. Right. And it’s funny, I was thinking about this knowing you were coming on the show today, that, um, that we’re still talking about interracial relationships as if there’s, cause when I was a boy, I was eight years old, my aunt, I have an aunt who liked black men and it tortured my grandmother who was a bigot and very prejudice and she couldn’t stand it. And the whole family believed that she was trying to do this to get back at my grandmother. She hated my grandmother and we all believe that I was raised to believe that. And then I grew up, I’m like, she couldn’t, she just have like black, ugly, no, she couldn’t have, they said no, she was doing this to hurt her.

Speaker 1:        And that’s interesting to me because like from what I’ve heard now is this, tell me if this is true. Jewish people don’t even like when you date other whites, they prefer for you to date someone else. Who’s Julie’s? Yes. Yes. Okay. Yes. Okay. It’s still true. It’s a stereotype, but it’s a true stereotype though. Okay. Okay. And there’s still a stigma around inter ratio polity and you know, it’s still a hot button topic. I mean, no matter how far we’ve come, there are still, um, I’m definitely seeing that is not as, um, I haven’t heard as much hateful behavior attached to interracial relationships, but there still are the whisper sometimes. And you know, the headlines always whenever there’s an interracial celebrity couple, you know, that’s always going, that the conversation comes up. I mean, because it’s, we don’t live in a post racial America. That’s just a reality.

Speaker 1:        We have to be realistic that there are those issues that still exists for us. Even LGBT rights have surpassed the rights of, of black people. Right. It’s a drink. It’s stupid. You’ve been doing this longer than we’ve been doing this trying to get your rights. Oh, I was just thinking of something I wanted to ask you about. Um, interracial relationships and uh, the stigma. Oh, the idea that um, black women I’ve heard say that, uh, some people get upset when a white woman’s dating a black man cause that could be her man. What do you say to that? Well, not necessarily, um, that it could be her man, but that, I don’t know. In a way we feel S I dunno sometimes slide it. Um, because we have like black women pretty much. We are the lowest on the totem pole as far as we’re a woman for one.

Speaker 1:        So that’s already an issue. Okay. Because there is a hierarchy in society and for us, black women, it’s like we’re at the bottom. So, um, I think also it’s an ego thing for us because we feel like when he, a black man achieves a certain affluence, he only wants to date a white woman. I know that that’s, and that’s, that’s a belief. Sometimes that’s not always the case, but it, what happens I see is also, is that as they become a fluent, they get into different circles that don’t always have black women. So you fall in love with who you’re around a lot of times. Um, but it is something, like, I said that for me, when I see a black woman with a white man, I’m like, well, unfortunately, empirical data, empirical data shows that they, we outnumber them. And a lot of times I like I see with my single friends is that they don’t, they can’t meet men that are on the same level educationally or just emotionally, mentally, financially.

Speaker 1:        So they have to start looking at other options. So, um, and then there are the bitter Betty’s, you know, who feel like, Oh, he don’t, he only dates white limited. Now there are some guys who are like that, but then there are guys, and that’s what I found out from doing my show that that’s just who happened, who they find finally fell in love with. So, um, it, it is there, but I want to say that it’s not just, just a blanket of black women. A lot of us still love our black men. And a lot of times we know that men are just men, period. Right. You know, generally they are who they are. Um, whether they’re black, white, Chinese or East Indian or whatever. A man is a man. Like when I go into a party store some time, uh, Arab man will flirt with me just like a black man or white man will, a male thing.

Speaker 5:        Yeah. I think so. I think they’re just walking penis. It doesn’t matter. And as a gay man, I appreciate walking to say there’s nothing, there’s nothing wrong with a walk of peanuts. Absolutely. Now I’ve got that in my head walking past me. My husband says I

Speaker 1:        make him my boy toy sometimes. I’m like, what is the problem? You’re a man and I, and that’s nothing. We just assume men always want to have sex. And I’m like, come on now. How could you not be in a mood? So let me ask you. So we sexualize a man, the black man in the big peanut, the BBC, right? Big black cock, right? Well, how do we sexualize women, black women? What is, what does the stereotype of that? The just that we’re, um, that even our bodies are welcoming of it. Like we can’t help that we have these curves. And this is, I have a 16 year old daughter and I’ve really had to check myself because adults, we put our stuff on kids. We make it taboo to talk about vagina. And I think, um, with black women, again, the propaganda, what we put into media, just like the, also with the Latin lovers will say like, men are, you know, have a, a hyper sexuality, sexuality and, um, I think because of the black woman’s cause we are just fine and just boom, bam.

Speaker 1:        I think sometimes that jealousy or that envy that people feel to, to minimize and to, you know, break us down to just being a sexual being. It works for them, it works for them. Um, and again, it’s just like another, just another stereotype so that we can be put into this box to make others feel comfortable with your other. Right. And it’s, I mean, again, and, and sexual. Um, I do love being a black woman. I do love having curves. I do love and having a fat ass, I am proud that I don’t really have boobs too much. But, um, and I have to just think period. For women. It’s a problem when we like sex, not even just black women, you know, it’s just like if a, if a woman openly talks about sex, she’s looked at as a slut, what’s wrong with us having a one night stand?

Speaker 1:        Right? What’s wrong with us? Masturbating, mucking around with us like imploring, but of course that’s a problem because America, we try to put this puritanical view out and it’s exactly right. Exactly. What do you think? Did you hear that? I wish I had this story in front of me. Oh, that woman that was kicked off the plane because your clothes, she was a woman of color and she was wearing very tight clothing, but it featured her breasts. It featured her butt, but that was her body and it was, you didn’t hear about this. When was this recently? It was a while back. It was a few months ago. It was all over this because of the clothing. Just because they, it was too sexual, but she was a woman of color and she just, like you said, he had the curves, the breast help, it helps out. Right.

Speaker 1:        I mean it does. I just, that’s, I mean, but then that’s also how, that’s something we have to deal with. Just like when you know your body type, certain clothing stores, you know, are not gonna fit you the same. And it’s certain clothing stores. I won’t even go to the buy clothing cause I know my ass is going to be hanging out or this is going to be, um, but I don’t again, if she was a man though. Right, right. So again, just getting back to the sexist, just like the patriarchal undertones that are there because who’s to judge that that was inappropriate? I mean, you’ve had people with your dog on the damn planet hour, you know, I, um, how were interracial relationships accepted in the black community? I think, um, Hmm. I think it’s more accepted when it is with a non white person.

Speaker 1:        So if it’s another person of color, I think it’s more, um, except it, uh, but again, it varies from family to family. Some families know that they, they, for generations they’ve had interracial relationships. Like a girlfriend of mine, she’s from Windsor, so she’s had whiten East Indian and Asian, you know, um, family members off route. Uh, but black people, we tend to be protective because we’ve been through so much. We do tend to be protective of our relationships and wanting to preserve, uh, that black love. Right? So even if a woman, black woman or a woman of color is with, um, a white man, that’s all that can also be stigmatized within the absolutely. But again, it’s more accepted when it’s a black woman with a white man, then a black man with a white woman, it’s not as talked about. It’s not as talked about, is not made as big a deal like Serena Williams with Ohana.

Speaker 1:        Ian, um, what is his name? I’m like, Alexis. Alexis. Alexa. Ohanian is not, was not as big of a deal as Kanye with Kim Kardashians. It’s not as, you know, because of course now is just, it’s just that that whole relationship is just a whole nother thing. But, um, again, I think when we have another part, people of color, person of color, we feel more comfortable. But I’ve even noticed with other people of color, like black people are still view below them. Cause like even some Asians, I’ve, I’ve experienced some racial things from them and it’s like, wow, a black woman, you just really, you know, it’s like we don’t get respect a lot of places. So, um, so I think that’s kind of our reaction to that. And once, the other thing I wanted to ask you, I never thought about is that we do see more penises on screen, right, of male males, but it’s white penises and not black penises.

Speaker 1:        And I have to be honest, I never noticed that before. I’ve noticed it. Now that you say that, what do you, what do you say about that? I mean, again, I just think it’s a way to suppress, um, you know, I put out there what, what they want to put out there and that’s why it’s so important that we have to develop our own means of media to put the images out there that we want out there. And this is something that when I interview, um, different content creators about how they purposely do things to make sure that that representation is out there. By the way, I love polls. I can’t wish that comes back on you just made me think that grade. I’m like, Oh, but I think it just, I think we’re still just, it makes us feel comfortable because we still, you know, we still are not fully there yet.

Speaker 1:        We still aren’t fully there. Main street media still, you know, they, a lot of those awards, um, academies and boards are white males. That’s why, and I mean, it’s even hard to get women’s voices in there. So it’s still like, it’s just going to be like an ongoing thing. And I’m glad now like Tyler Perry has his own studio, so hopefully that’s breaking more barriers and we’re seeing more and more people of color who are pulling out our content. So, um, but of course mainstream media is still, so we’re talking about major networks, NBC, ABC, CBS, Fox, right? They’re still going to put the images out there. Cause now empire is about to get canceled. So, um, you know, not surprising. So it’s just, um, again, what we patronize what we buy.

Speaker 3:        I’m so glad to have you on the show. I wish my shows were more than half hour. Some people say people don’t listen for more than half hour. No, I’m sorry. Mine is two hours actually. So. Oh wow. That’s crazy. I’d rather it be longer. Can you tell us where people can find you?

Speaker 1:        So you can find me on Facebook at uh, Raquel R a Q. U. E. L. L. E. D Harris. Uh, also my business is right down to it. W. R. I. T. E. that’s my writing and editing service. Um, and then you can find me on IgG at, at right down to it on Twitter at right down to it in the number three and Rocky’s reality on all social media. So that’s our Rose C K I apostrophe S reality. That’s great. And we’ll have that all on our website too so people can see it tune into motor city woman Thursday seven to nine, talking about the cannabis industry this Thursday. Tomorrow. Yeah.

Speaker 3:        Oh good. And if you ever talk about walking penises, will you have me as a guest? I love to do that. You already know. Absolutely. Thank you. Thanks, Rocky. Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening to this episode of smart sex, smart love. I’m dr Joe court and you can find me on Joe kort.com that’s J O E K O R t.com.

Speaker 4:        See you next time.

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